Micro-organisms

Mr. Bacteria rushed into the house with a smash of the door, and he had an excited smile on his face.

“Finally, finally it has happened,” said he. He did not say anything at all but kept muttering the same as if he wanted to be questioned on the subject. His wife obliged, and Mr. Bacteria went on,

“Finally, after so long have we won it, the prize!” he explained, with the vocals of a theatre actor, and the expressions of Michelangelo as he gazed at the statue of David.

“Is it, is it….. Oh!” said his wife, Mrs. Bacteria with tears brimming in her eyes, and at a loss of words to express herself.

“The Telloch prize was of course not an easy one to win, but then years and years of hard work would never have gone unnoticed.” Said Mr. Bacteria proudly, his chest swelled up high.

“This was the best news you have ever given me, or perhaps could ever have,” replied Mrs. Bacteria. “This needs a celebration. Let us take the children with us to the grave a mile away. A new man was buried a day ago; we could have a really good feast.”

“Well, they may get ill for eating from a still fresh body, but I’m just too happy to deny anyone, anything.” Said Mr. Bacteria, still with that smile (it looked as if his face had somehow become stuck that way). “Alright, let’s not tarry further, tell the kids to get ready, and do so yourself.”

Hardly had Mrs. Bacteria went two steps that there were a series of sharp bell rings, and then a series of sharp knocks at the door. Irritated and amazed at the audacity of the unknown person, she went to get the door just at the same time as Mr. Bacteria. But it seemed that the stranger was not at all in the mood to wait even for a moment, for he pushed open the door and barged inside.

“Hoy, you just can’t come in here like this….” Hollered Mr. Bacteria at the uninvited and unwelcomed invader, but lost all color from his face (not that he had much to lose, he was mostly green) when he saw the person he was shouting at.

“Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Bacteria, how are you doing,” said Mr. Fungus.

Both Mr. and Mrs. Bacteria were shocked beyond words at the sight of Mr. Fungus, and there was a mighty well reason for it. Fungi, protozoans, and algae were the lower forms of microorganisms, the ones who had been shunned from normal society, simply for this reason: they were completely useless when it came to the fact that they never had caused a serious disease or epidemic in humans, not one anyway which deserved credit. Their infections could be cured easily for they died from the simplest of medicines. They were tramps (and Mr. Fungus completely fitted that description, with his unshaven face, uncut hair, tattered clothes, and drunk attitude), and even seeing a common fungus enter the house of a respectable family of Salmonellae bacteria? All reputation would be lost on the part of Mr. Bacteria if anyone saw a fungus in his dwelling. His wife probably had the same thoughts in her mind, and to shoo the unwanted guest away, they asked,

“On what business hath you come?”

“I came to ask you whether your family would be becoming hosts to a party,” said Mr. Fungus. “You know, the one in honor of you winning the Tulloch prize.”

At this point, Mr. Bacteria was frowning, and after hearing the tramp out, he frowned harder. He had announced that a party would be held 3 days later, and it was obvious what was happening here. The patch had gotten the news from someone and strode right up to his house’s threshold, ‘cause an outcast has a hard time getting food, so a chance of free food can never be let slip. Mr. Bacteria had a mental argument with himself, and finally decided that he couldn’t refuse now, not now that he had been asked in the face (plus it was necessary to shoo the fungus away as fast as possible), and so Mr. Fungus went away happy, with the promise of entry to the party. The only unhappiness on the part of Mr. Bacteria was that he could expect more vagrants for the next 3 days.

The party saw the best of the microorganisms together, well mostly bacteria and viruses. Mr. Bacteria was talking to the other scientists and boasting about his capabilities, while his wife did the same with the ladies. Mr. and Mrs. Virus were also there, and they kept throwing jealous glances at the former couple. But yet they were trying to take the attention away from the bacteria, and so Mr. and Mrs. Virus could be heard saying to the other guests, which also included some of the scientists from high above,

“Nice party. But then I am at a loss to understand why such a grand party has been thrown to honor their second Telloch prize because as we all know, the viruses are more feared by the humans than the curable bacteria.” Said Mr. Virus

“My dear.” continued Mr. Virus “We have always been better than them. Our kind has, after all, won six of the prizes upon which Mr. Bacteria today boasts upon”

Mr. Bacteria had been hearing from a distance till then, and he’s smiling, happy face was slowly turning red, angry one. His wife was also eavesdropping on the boasting of the viruses, but she was not as angry as alarmed at her husband’s enraged face. She led him by the arm back to the house, away from the party, an act which the virus couple watched with smug faces and fine satisfaction, while Mr. Bacteria vowed to take revenge against the viruses for trying to discredit his hard work, somehow, however hard, he would fulfill his vow.

The next few days passed in the blink of an eye, and the scientists found themselves at their workplaces again. The Bacteria and the viruses in the higher ones, and the lower forms of microbes in the dungeons contain the worst offices. Mr. Bacteria was hailed as a hero when he entered his office, and everybody was celebrating again, anew. Mr. Bacteria did not even say anything, he went on along with them, and he wanted all this appreciation and more. The viruses were just at the marble corridor, and again their envious hearts started to feel the bitter pangs of jealousy, and each went green with envy, so malicious were they for the bacteria. But then who can blame them? They had won against the bacteria for centuries upon centuries, and yet the bacteria were getting a back of their own now. The day continues, and so, in the same boring, mundane way, the day turns into a week, then weeks, and then two months.

 Then, one day, a rather strange man came to meet the scientists at lunch. He was a virus, one of the highest, as it could be easily judged from his attire. At, first he waited till he had brought everyone’s attention to himself, and then slowly started to say,

“I am an inspector of the committee of Telloch, and I am here to inform you that there has been another prize distribution to one of you two groups, again.”

“But…But…That is not impossible in any way” said Mr. Bacteria. “The prize is never distributed again before another year right?” he asked his colleagues.

“Well anyway, it is now.” Said the inspector, perhaps a little irritated by Mr. Bacteria’s lack of trust, and so saying, he swept out of the door, leaving all of his audience in a stupor behind him. That day nobody worked. Everybody lied in wait for the letter, waiting to hear the name of the person who had such a thing that the others knew nothing about; about the person who had achieved something so great that he had changed the rules of the Telloch committee.

Nothing came that day or the day after. Then, finally releasing the tension arrived the letter to – Mr. Bacteria. All of his colleagues were shocked when the letter was placed in his hand, and then slowly, as if they were having trouble comprehending the situation, started to shout and cheer at the top of their lungs. Even Mr. Bacteria was stupefied, but that did not stop him from going to the viruses with the other bacteria, arm in arm, and insulting them, at having won against them finally. But the viruses matched the loud bacteria with their own shouts, and finally, the insults from both sides slowly changed to a quarrel, and then a fight. There was throwing of equipment at each other, kicks and punches were exchanged, and everybody in the fight was acting as any common algae or fungi, instead of respectable bacteria and viruses. Then, finally, one bacteria had the sense to open the letter, and it read as follows;

“I was no inspector, and am sorry that I fooled all of you. But I do take pride that I managed to get it done without getting caught”,

Yours Sincerely,

Mr. Fungi.

After reading the letter, the bacteria became horrified, and then tried to explain to the others, but all his efforts were in vain.

The war between the bacteria had always been very intense. Only heaven knows when they will finally stop going against each other and join hands, but then again, it’s better for the humans that they never do as such.