Bill was in fourth grade and was returning home with his exam papers in hand. He ran down the flush green lanes dancing on the grass and jumping in small puddles of water for the simple joy of watching the water make a splashing noise upon contact with his shoes. He pushes past people, who do not even notice him trying to push against them and finally lands in front of his colony gate. No sooner had the watchman opened the gate for him than he rushes forward to meet his two best friends, who begin waggling their tails at the sight of him. The dogs had found their way inside the colony by a small crack which had formed at the very extreme of the backside boundary of the colony, and nobody had noticed for the crack was surrounded by ferns and thorns, up and until the point when someone had noticed the dogs utilizing it for trespassing and making a mess while stealing garbage. Bill had been seven years old then, and the bonding between him and them had been instant. They ran towards Bill and circled around him in a playful mood, and Bill joyfully threw his test papers over to them from his hand and watched grinningly as they tore the papers up in bits and pieces.
“Bill, there is someone who would be coming today evening to meet us. So, please don’t do anything in front of him and be nice to him. I am sure you will warm up to him once you know him.” Bill’s mother said to him once he had settled down to eat. Bill did not understand his mother but thought better of it than to ask her what she meant. Bill’s mother was a professor at a renowned university and often thought that her son was quite dull. She always felt that Bill had not gotten any of his parents’ brains, and most of the times did not let him accompany her to family meetings. Bill hated all his relatives, especially aunts, who he believed poisoned his mother’s mind against him even more so. His mother had been trying from his childhood to teach him, to be in front of others in ‘the race’ as she called it, but no matter how hard Bill tried, no matter the amount of time or hard work he gave in, he just simply couldn’t study. He often felt bad about this, for he always felt if he had been intelligent enough; his mother would have been saved from the embarrassment she had to face whenever she was mentioned.
When Bill knocked on the door of his apartment, he was in for a wild surprise. As soon as the door opened he jumped forward to hug the person, mistaking him to be his mom but propelled backward like a jet upon noticing. He threw a shrewd frown towards the stranger, who just smiled good-naturedly towards Bill. It was as if he had seen a snake before him, he barely blinked, kept eye-contact all the while for the few seconds which felt like several minutes to him, and did not move even an inch while he sized up the man in front of him. Finally deciding it would be safer to go, he turned when his mother rushed out and hugged her son, who was already positioned to take flight. Bill calmed down a bit upon seeing his mother and accompanied the stranger inside only to receive another shock. There was a boy sitting on the sofa, a boy much older than Bill.
Bill rushed inside his room in anger, tears of frustration flying everywhere as whipped around to try and close the bedroom door. His mother managed to reach it before Bill could close it completely, and forced her way in. Bill still did not admit defeat and made a run to hide underneath the bed, but yet again he failed, as his mother caught him by the waist and laid him down on the bed.
“No, no, no, I refuse” shouted Bill in anger.
“Don’t be silly. At least get to know them, I am sure you will get along well with both of them” replied Bill’s mother calmly.
“You are planning on marrying him?” asked Bill in anguish, his voice slowing down dramatically. “Why?” asked Bill.
“Because your father’s not here with us Bill, and I just cannot cope with being alone anymore.” Replied Bill’s mother, shouting over her son to make herself heard.
Bill dug his head inside the pillows and started to weep uncontrollably. He slapped his mother’s arm away every time she made to pull him out and comfort him until finally, she decided it best to leave him be for then. It was when she was at the door that Bill finally spoke up again,
“You are not alone, mum. I am still here, even if dad is not. You are so much for the marriage because he and his son are so big, aren’t you? It’s because he is in going to go to top universities in the world, and is so much better at everything than me, a failure. At least now you will have a son you wouldn’t be ashamed of.”
His mother looked at Bill with her mouth open in shock at her son’s words. She tried to say something, but half-ran away outside into the living room, her eyes full of tears because of what she had just heard. Bill felt angry himself, and wished he had never spoken the words which he had said to his mother, and to apologize, went and knocked at his mother’s bedroom door, but no sounds came from inside, and Bill fell asleep right there by there after some time.
His stepfather and new stepbrother shifted to their home after a month of his first meeting with them. Bill stayed composed and as polite as he could, because even then he painfully remembered the argument with his mother which still created rifts between the two of them. Bill wanted to never let his mother down again. He was just doing what his mother had wanted him to do; give them a chance.
Bill’s life went downhill very fast from the time when he and his stepbrother started attending school again. Everybody, his teachers, friends, and even his own mother started to harass him so much by comparing him to his elder brother that he started to fall into depression. All his efforts to study even harder were of no avail, his results were still as bad as before. His head was still above water though until this point, but the bomb dropped one evening after his mid-year tests. He was busy reading solving another jig-saw puzzle when he heard his parents arguing in loud voices, loud enough so that he could hear them. He slowly crept closer and put his ear over the window,
“He is just eleven years old.” Bill’s stepfather said in a raised voice. “He will pick up his speed when he has to, every kid learns in his own pace. You need to give him time.”
“No, Leo. I have had enough of everything. I really don’t think I can stand it anymore.” Bill’s mother replied. “I did everything, everything in my power. Running after Bill day and night, thinking about his career, his future, and then putting up with his drama for not putting in the hard work to become someone successful when he grows up. He failed in fourth grade last year, for goodness’s sake.”
“It’s not your fault, Preeti. I know you did all of that for him, but what you are proposing now is preposterous. For heaven’s sake the kid’s eleven. Let him grow, maybe he might surprise you.” Bill’s stepfather replied.
“I cannot take any more of this. He will not fail like that, after all the hard work that I have given for him.” Bill’s mother replies, and starts to sob uncontrollably. “Utkarsh’s passing away was so sudden. All I wished for was a happy family, and that accident that took him, so horrible. I still remember how I felt when the doctor came out and announced….. Even then I tried to remain strong for Bill, so that he wouldn’t feel the pain, so that he could move forward, and even that…. It just isn’t meant to be by my hand… The boarding school will make him grow up finally by theirs’….”
Bill peeked in through the small crack between the door and the wall, and saw his mother crying in his stepfather’s shoulder, who had her hand on her head. He peels his eyes away and looks behind him. His stepbrother, who had been lying down with his ear on the floor to eavesdrop on his parent’s conversation, now looks up with a horrified look on his face. Bill grins at him, more so to shake the feeling that he was carrying a sack of stones from his chest, but the grin fades away at the sight of his brother’s face with an expression full of pity for Bill.
Two weeks later, Bill was dropped off at the hostel on the school campus grounds by the entire family, and as he hugged his mother, tears started to pour out of his eyes. His mother feels him sobbing, pulls him out of the embrace, and smiles at him in ‘I am sorry’ kind of way. Bill’s entire body shook as he saw the car drive away, it felt as if his heart bled, and he wanted to shout out in the frustration that he felt in that single moment. He wanted to shout out, run and catch up with the car. He wanted to shout and plead with his mother to go home, but he was not able to do anything. And when one of the teachers from the school who had come out to see him to his room beckoned him to follow with a hand on his shoulder, he just followed meekly, his mind too stunned at the thought that he was finally here, all by himself. It seemed ages that he had heard his mother saying those things, and disregarded them as something of not much concern.
The next two months at the boarding school were perhaps the worst two months of life that Bill had experienced in his whole life. The school classes were horrible, maybe even beyond horrible. There was too much work to be done every day, and although Bill had always felt worried at his inability to grasp things, here it was aided by a constant state of fear, because the children used to receive beatings if the children failed to do an assigned task. Bill was even unable to accomplish easy everyday tasks such as tying his shoelaces, doing his tie, and many more, for which he would only receive more punishments. Once a teacher who had come in the school after his predecessor had retired, he had felt pity at the way that students were treated, and had complained to some parents of the bullied children. He was in for a wild shock though, for the parents felt no reason to worry upon hearing the news, believing that the beatings would compel them to do their studies properly. Bill on the other hand had completely fallen into depression, and would refuse to see his parents when they would come to meet him every Sunday. His stepbrother would bring many sorts of gifts for him, but he would just stash them in his trunk. He would only say one thing to his mother whenever she would come to talk with him,
“I want to go home. This place is horrible. I hate it; please just take me back with you. I will work hard, study every single minute of the day if I have to, but I will become better, please take me back with you.” And then fall into bitter wails.
Nothing seemed to work out for poor Bill, and one day he almost did something too horrible to even think about for anyone. He was sitting in his bed shaking in anger, bead-like tears leaking from his eyes. He had been in marching class when the teacher had suddenly hit in on the head with his stick and shouted at him for not marching properly, upon which Bill had finally cracked. He went head to head with his teacher and punched him in the stomach. The new teacher, who had complained about the indecent behavior of the teachers, had rushed to the spot and saved Bill from being beaten more, but Bill had already scampered away from there and came back to the comfort of his empty room, but this incident just pushed him over the already narrow ledge that he had been bordering on, and rendered him reckless for one instant. Bill looked at the sole window of his room, big enough to accommodate an adult man through it, walked towards it, and opened it slowly. He swung up one foot over the window sill and looked down. The fall was great, and all he could see below was tall trees and vines that ran between them. Bill became alarmed upon seeing the huge height, but summoned as much courage as he could muster, and swung the other foot over as well. He was still having his doubts about what he was going to do, all he cared about was if he died, he would like to die without pain. He had already pushed his body off the sill when the door of his room opened with a click. Bill turns back hastily and sees a boy of about his age standing at the doorway, his hand over his open mouth and eyes wide in shock.
“What are you doing?” he says in a whisper.
Bill does not reply to him, and turns forward again, making his mind to jump.
“You should not do this you know?” speaks up the boy again. “You still have a lot to live for, believe me when I say it.”
“No, I don’t” replied Bill shortly. “And you are awfully calm for a boy who is about to see someone commit suicide, aren’t you?”
“Well answering your second question, yes I am calm because only I don’t panic can I hope to dissuade you from what you were, and maybe still are, about to do.” Says the boy, leaning his head backward slightly, maybe drawing pride because of his quick-wittedness. “And yes you do, you do have something to live for. Committing suicide is a coward’s choice; it’s the choice of cowardice. Staying and fighting on is the choice of a brave person.”
Bill drank in every word of the boy, but still looked indecisive. The few minutes that they both kept staring at each other without even blinking seemed like several hours. Finally, the boy spoke up again,
“My own father died in a car accident, brother. I know how it feels to see the dead corpse of someone you loved, but no amount of weeping will bring that person back. If you cannot live for yourself, at least live for your family, will you?” says the boy in a pleading voice.
The boy moved towards Bill, and helped him get down. He made Bill sit down, and then proceeded to walk out of the room. He swung back while going out of the door and said,
“By the way, my name’s Will. I am your new roommate. But believe me when I say I will change my room if I see another crazy stunt like that from you again.” And chuckling to himself, he closed shut the door.
Bill lay on the bed, thinking to himself about the things that Will had said to him, and reflecting upon that he felt extremely sorry for the selfish act he had almost committed. He inwardly thanked his newfound friend and his lucky stars that he had been saved and promised to himself that he would never do something like that again or anything which might hurt his family in any way.
Life went back to normal, if regular beating and scolding from the teachers could be called normal. Bill never saw Will during school hours, and not even when he would sit for their meals in the dining hall. However, he would always find Will in his room, dwindling over something, may it be studies or his favorite football team he was so crazy about. When Bill enquired about these things to Will, the latter just laughed and said,
“Mate, why do you worry so much? Why does it matter where I stay during school hours?”
“It’s just that you are my best friend, and it’s always nice for best friends to hang out together.” Bill replied normally.
“You mean your only friend right?” Will said with a grin. “You sure don’t have a lot of pals around this place.”
Bill shrugged, but did not say anything. Will finally spoke up again,
“I just like to move about on my own that’s all, mate. I am sure you would find me somewhere if you try hard enough. To be fair, you seem so much preoccupied in your imagination I find it amazing you even had time to notice whether you could spot me in the crowd or not.”
Bill was not entirely satisfied with Will’s answer but let the matter rest for then. He was about to go to sleep when Will spoke up again,
“I have been looking at your copies while you aren’t there, Bill, and there are some things which I think should come to your notice, brother.”
“You touched my trunk without asking me?” cried Bill in anger.
“You should be thanking me, or rather your guardian angel that I did, for you wouldn’t have found what I did by yourself.” Replied Will without glancing up from his books. “Have you ever wondered why you write so many words backwards? Or why you write three or more different types of spellings for the same word in the same page?” Will asked his eyes still fixed on the copies.
“Probably because I am retarded just like everybody tells I am.” Bill replied gloomily.
“You wish you were, kid. Tell you what, why don’t you go for a psychiatrist checkup?” Will asked with a frown on his face, finally facing Bill.
“I AM NOT RETARDED.”Bill screamed in rage.
“I never said you were, mate. Now, listen your parents would probably never do this, nor would they permit you to go to a psychiatrist, so you need to do this on your own, ok?” Will said in a calm whisper. “I know a good one just a few blocks down the road, you could skip the morning classes on Saturday saying you are down with fever, sneak out, and should be able to make it unless unlucky, since none of the teachers will be in the corridors to check for you. Oh, and take your copies with you, will you?”
“How am I going to afford it, dumbass?” Bill said through clenched teeth.
“The meetings free for kids, idiot. If he asks you anything about your family, just make up some story and the rest should be fine.” Will replied, rolling his eyes.
“I am also going to have to fix an appointment.” Bill said.
“Slow aren’t you? I already did it, dumb.” Will said irritably.
“Why are you helping me so much Will? I have known you for what, three months?” Bill asked with a blank look on his face.
Will put on a smug smile, and replies,
“Now, what kind of a person would I be if I didn’t watch out for my best friend?”
Will was high on nerves when Bill returned on Saturday from his appointment. Bill ran through the door, and hastily closed it. He put a hand on his stomach and said,
“Gosh, I almost got caught by one of the teachers.”
“Well, you didn’t so calm down. And you took four hours, are you serious?” Will asked in anguish. “A few more minutes and you surely would have been caught. So what did he say?”
Bill recited everything that the doctor had told him. It took almost half an hour for Bill to finish, and at the end of it all, he just fell down on the ground, dejected.
“So, you have dyslexia?” Will enquired in a quiet voice.
“Yeah, according to the doctor it’s a reading disadvantage, and cannot be cured by any sort of treatment. He also said that’s exactly why I have such poor grades.”
“But we can fix that, you and me together.” Will said confidently.
“But did you not hear what the doctor said about the incurable part?” Bill asked dejectedly.
“There have been many successful people in the past with the disorder.” Will replied simply.
“How do you know I will make it and be great like them?” Bill asked.
“How do you know you will not?” Will asked with a shrewd look. “Look, Bill, I cannot make you do anything if you don’t want to. But for this to work out in the way I see it in my mind right this instant you must completely trust me. Do you believe in me, Bill?”
Bill looked in his eyes, and nodded.
Will made a plan on how to help Bill. He borrowed all sorts of books from the library, and six hours of study for both of them now became almost sixteen hours, with Will tutoring Bill on all the subjects. Their goal was to make Bill at the least get as much marks as required to qualify for fifth grade. There were three months left for the exams, and the effort that both of them gave in these three months was a sight worth seeing. Bill would give the bigger half of the effort, and would read everything that he could lay his eyes upon. He would practice writing words and sentences for hours rigorously with Will beside him. He would play video games which would help him in pattern recognition and remembering. They would play ball and other sports and do several other activities, especially board games. Bill was improving, but Will was still worried whether he would be ready enough for the exams, but he wasn’t the only one who was worried. Bill would constantly wake up at night and start studying, he would study in his dreams, so badly did he want to perform well, to prove that he could do it if he wanted to.
The exams came and went. Bill performed okay, but whether that okay was enough was something the duo were still worried about. After a lot of waiting and praying and keeping their fingers crossed, the results arrived. And Lo! Bill had achieved third best marks in his class. He went dancing and singing down the halls, hugging random students whom he didn’t even know, to their utter surprise, but when he finally entered his room, he found Will gone. He found it awfully strange that Will wasn’t there, but then thought that he was still on his way and waited. He kept waiting, waiting and waiting and waiting till he finally feel asleep, and awoke the next day to see Will’s bed had not been slept on. He looked around in the grounds but did not find him, nor in any of the other classes or bathrooms or anywhere. Will was simply gone. He then went to the student registry and asked if a student named Will had checked out of the school the previous day, and there Bill finally understood everything.
Bill’s family arrived two days later, at the end of term, and the first thing that his mother did was hug her son and weep. His father and brother looked happy at the hugging of the mother and son, and watched from a few feet away with smiles on their faces. His mother kissed him on his cheek, and took him by the hand, beckoning towards the car.
“I forgot something behind. Can I go and get it?” Bill asked.
His mother smiled and let go of his hand. He ran down the now deserted halls and dormitories, everybody was either outside or already on their way homes. He enters his room, and finds Will there, sitting on his bed, smiling at Bill.
“Hey there, mate. Came to meet me one last time?” Will asked smiling.
“I am just going to cut straight to the chase, buddy. I know what you are, Will. I understand everything now, your helping me at every opportunity you got, your missing from school hours, your sudden entrance into my life, everything.” Bill said, also smiling.
“Well, if you do, then there’s no point in talking now, is there?” Will said slightly crestfallen.
“There is, Will. There is something I don’t understand. Why did you help me like you did?” Bill asked.
“What do you mean why did I help you? It’s you Bill who helped yourself. I don’t even exist. I am just your imaginary friend, your illusion, your friend that you created from your mind, whichever one you prefer. It’s all you mate, you, you and only you who helped yourself.”
“But then, how did you make all those appointments, borrow the books, everything is something I fail to understand, because like you said, you aren’t even real.”
“But you are Bill. It was you borrowing the books; it was you who made that appointment. It was you who made yourself come down from the window that day. You just needed encouragement and courage to do everything, and that’s why you created me, to give you courage to move forward, simply because you were never able to give it yourself. You wanted someone else to help you and so I came into your life.”
“So, what now?” Bill asks a little downcast.
“Now? Now nothing, mate. Now you will go out of that door and move on with your life.” Will replied.
“So, this is goodbye?” Bill asked shocked.
“Yes, mate it is goodbye now.”
“What if I need you again, Will?” Bill asked.
“You won’t. Not anymore. You got everything that you had and didn’t have before. You are stronger now; you will manage by yourself for the rest of your life. You are a beautiful person Bill, don’t let anyone tell you different.” said Will with a smile.
Bill got up from his bed, and started to go out of the room. On the landing of the door, he looked back again at Will’s bed. It was empty again. Bill smiled sadly at the bed, and waves with his hand, hoping Will could see him wherever he was. He closes the door and walks out to his family.
